Book Review: Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck

"This is not an etiquette book..."

Those are the very first words of author Amy Alkon in her book, Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck (if I had an award to hand out to Best Book Title, I would have already given it to her). And well, to an extent, she is right. Good Manners... is not your conventional etiquette book. It does not come with elaborate instructions of how to lay out cutlery and dining table seating positions. 

It is instead about something far more important than etiquette - decent human behaviour. No, that is not really etiquette if one goes by the strict meaning of the word (etiquette has more to do with social norms and the like), but if what you are really concerned about how to behave decently and how to handle the rude, this is pretty much the book for you.

And what makes the book special is the fact that Alkon handles her subject with a humorous touch. You can almost see the wry grin in her remarks about less than correct behavior. The result is that Good Manners... avoids the holier-than-thou sermon tone that many tomes on the subject do. What you have instead is a book that covers behaviour in a host of circumstances, from dates to online behaviour to talking with flight attendants, often backed up with personal experiences and academic research, and as I mentioned earlier, narrated with an eyebrow raised in amusement. Sample this:

"Call waiting is the rudest feature in telephoning, the phone version of the Hollywood Conversation, where some Hollyweasel is talking to you but staring over your shoulder to monitor whether somebody more important has come into the room." 

Or on Facebook game invitations:

"Anyone who knows me in the slightest knows me that I am about as interested in playing one of Facebook's gamens as as I am in offering myself for human sacrifice, but those irritations - uh, invitations - keep on coming."

At the bottom of it all, a lot of Alkon's advice is common sense. Stuff that mum and dad taught us. Kindness. Patience. Grace. Or listening, empathy and dignity, which Alkon mentions as the three ways of getting through to people. Unfortunately, they have been forgotten by many or combined on the altar of ambitious aggression. Good Manners...is a gentle, funny reminder about being human. The final chapter, Trickle Down Humanity, in particular is an absolute masterpiece. "Ask yourself, how can I be someone's good fair or secret Santa today?" says Alkon, doing her bit for a kinder, more gentle world. No, she does not advocate putting up with rudeness, but her stress on empathy is something that resonated deeply with me. 

Good Manners...is the sort of book that I really think everyone needs to read. The hassled executive, the aggressive boss, the shy student, the party animal...just about everyone. It is a book about getting along. With kindness. With grace. Pick it up and start reading from anywhere, and it is a fair chance that within a few paragraphs you will find something that will move you or make you smile.  

There are not too many books about which I can say that. Buy it (at Rs 299 on Amazon, it is a deal!). Read it. It is not a book about etiquette. It is about being human. And we could surely do with some of that. Actually, a lot of that.  

Now, excuse me, I have to go and be a secret Santa.

(To buy the book or download a sample, click the image below or above)